Mommys Time out

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Now I need the advice....

Where to begin?
Honestly I don't know, I guess I should start with whats on my mind. Chris... Ive covered pretty much before that he is one of those people that is very unemotional, he tends to let things stay inside and usually I can pick up on it by his actions, mood swings and quietness. See when I first met Chris he had alot of stomach issues FINALLY after 3yrs I was able to talk him into going to the Dr, because like most (ALL) men he just wont. Well, of course I had diagnosed him wayyyyyyyyy before that and of course he thought I was crazy. So he went and they told him that it sounded like he had Ulcers ***cough cough thank you cough cough***. Well they wanted to run a scope down into his stomach just to make sure and get a biopsy because Ulcers and Stomach Cancer run in his family on BOTH sides. Well, they pretty much asked him how long have you been suffering with this pain? his response ohhh since I was about 16yrs old, of course when he was in the Navy they told him it was just "gas" so of course he took that to heart!! Well the Dr said that he pretty much had no lining in his stomach that it was basically all scar tissue from the Ulcers. They did a biopsy which came back fine THANK GOD, and said that he didn't have any active ones going on. Well to make a long story short they put him on some meds and he well never went back. Now saying all that, here lately he has been in one of those "funks" now one thing you should know about Chris is he thinks he is Superman, he always has but I believe its catching up, see he works 12hr shifts as a Cop, 6pm to 6am, 2 days on 2 days off and every other weekend, well on the nights he's not working on the road he works "specials" usually from 5pm-10pm or 7pm to 1am. With the exception of Tues and Thurs nights then he goes to school. So you pretty much get the idea he works and works or school. He has no life, and since he works nights hes sleeping in the daytime so he doesn't have time for anything else. Well in the past few yrs he has dropped in weight when I met him 6yrs ago he was 6'1" about 185-190lbs, well now he is at 150lbs and cannot gain weight, he's constantly depressed or aggravated and I know its his schedule and his job because he HATES his job and I'm saying Hate lightly. Today I was talkn to him on AIM from work and he made a comment about well Ill just add it to the list, well his "list" was things that just dont happen for me. Like I said before he doesn't like to talk about anything and it takes me awhile to get it out of him, so today I was telling him I cant help him if he doesn't tell me what wrong, and he pretty much told me that physically and mentally hes drained, he is on the verge of snapping. His anger is at a point where if he looses it, its gonna be bad. Of course in his occupation that's not good, he sees and deals with so much that he just cant deal with anymore. Not to mention his life, he's sooo tired he cant sleep, he's in overload because he wants to make sure he provides for his family which he takes to the extreme, don't get me wrong we don't live like royalty or anything but we are not in the hole either, our bills are always paid and pretty much at any point we need anything no matter what it cost its in the bank, but that's the way Chris is he always has money put up because as he tells me "you never know whats gonna happen" which is a good thing, but see that makes him work MORE because he's always tryin to put more and more away. Ive tried to tell him that he does not have to do that, we are fine and will be fine, we both could take a month off from work without pay and still have our bills paid and have plenty of spending money, I'm not trying to brag I'm just saying that so you understand that its not a necessity for him to work so much. Of course I cant get that in his head, he just said "Baby Ive got to do what I do so we can live good" AAAAAGGGGHHHH then I feel bad because I feel like maybe I should go get a better job because I could make the money where he doesn't have to work so much, Ive just never did it because I LOVE my job I have it made at my job, I couldn't go anywhere else and get a job like the one I have now, as far as being able to come and go as I need and with 4 kids that's a BIG help. If one of my kids are sick I can take them with me. If I feel like talking on the phone for an hour I CAN! Sometimes though I feel I should try to go somewhere else, in my field you get better jobs with more experience and I have 3yrs and 1yr of supervisor under my belt, so I know I could get something I just haven't tried. After talking to him today though I'm really worried, I tried to tell him maybe its time to go back to the Dr and see what they say, maybe they could put him on some meds to help keep him stress level down and cope with life better. Of course he said No I'm not gonna be put on any meds. I cant afford to slow down now. I was talking to a friends of mine and they recommend talking to the Dr and seeing if maybe they could put him on a leave of absence for awhile he has good benefits with the county so I know he has short and long term disability. I don't know, his vacation doesn't start until May 15th and that will be for 3 weeks, I know it will do him good I just don't know if he can hold out that long.... I don't know how to help him, he's the type of man that you have to give him an idea but have ALL your bases covered so when he goes "well well what about...." you have a very intelligent logical answer to it. Ive got to help him though I hate seeing him so miserable. I know he's going through alot, I remember what it was like for me, working 3rds full time going to school trying to pay the bills and take care of 3 kids It was hard, and I only had to do it for year... I don't know I honestly don't know.....

link | posted by Mommy at 6:10 PM

2 Comments:

Anonymous had this to say:: I wish I could help you, but my soon to be ex was the same way. I never figured it out. Obviously, he did finally go to the dr after I left, for her. that doesn't make you feel any better does it.; 3/07/2007 9:35 PM
Heather Noel had this to say:: Mabye its time to grab him by the ear and drag him to the doctor. Easier said than done, I know. What's up with men? Maybe he coud give up his specials, start small, and maybe he will see that you guys will be okay, enough for him to slow down some more. If you need to talk, you know where I am. Love ya.; 3/09/2007 8:04 AM