7 yrs ago I got pregnant with my 1st child, when he was 4wks old I went back to work because we needed the money, when he turned 13mnths old I gave birth to my twins, me and my husband decided It would just be cheaper for me to stay at home since daycare for 3 under 1 would probaly bankrupt us.
So when the twins turned 8mnths I went back to work it was time for us and we needed the money yet again, well I took a 3rd shift position which meant I was working while they all slept and slept when they where up, well during the years I went through a divorce met Chris went back to College got my degree the whole time still working 3rd shift and being a full time Mom, now I know you are probaly thinking that " um ok lets just pat our backs here" but I said all that so you can understand what Im going through right now, if you look at the history of my children you might have come to the conclusion I missed alot..... there is so much of my babies life that I cant honestly say I remember due to working and being away from them Austin more than any of them, my twins I seen some but not that much... I can remember back to my children crying and begging me to stay at home, and how they missed me ...
So now I sit here and look down in my lap to my last baby my Little Man, curled up to me with that cute baby sleeping smile on his face and cry my heart out , and its not just tonight but all week since ive had him, I hold him close to me trying to capture these moments since I know they wont last long, ive heard all week that he is spoiled already and grant it be he is a little but I dont care I dont want to put him down, he cries if he's not up against my chest or up against me and yes its my fault he has yet to sleep in his bed I curl up with him on the couch, but damn it I cant help it, I dont want to miss out what Ive missed with my other babies I find myself all the time trying to make up for it to them which in turn makes me feel like a failure as a Mom to them, I cant go through that again I cant loose those 1st...
I know that alot of you are probaly thinking that Im just going through old fashion post partem, but any of you working Mom's out there know that tug in your heart when you 1st left them and they looked at you with that look of why? Tell me you dont tear up thinking back to that moment ... Well right now thats me and I dont know how I can stop it .. Im gonna loose the cherished moments ....
link | posted by Mommy at 11:28 PM
8 Comments:
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Heather Noel had this to say:
I know how you feel. Believe me. You know how I was when I had to leave Tanner. In fact you watched him one of the first times and I called. BUT someone told me it would be alright. And it was. I know if kills me to know I might miss something. I missed the first time he rolled over. I still miss the little faces or sounds now. Having said all that. Tanner is still a healthy happy baby. And your 3 even though you missed out some stuff your kids are great. They are good kids. So you are not a failure as a mom. And when it comes to the little one. It will work itself out. No matter how many first we miss out on now, think of all the first we still get to see...girlfriends/boyfriends. First day of high school. Prom....there are still so many to see it will never replace the ones we missed, but it kinda helps the sting....love you.
- 3/01/2006 8:50 AM
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Just Me had this to say:
Hang in there, hopefully it will get better, and since Heather is much better at saying things, I ditto everything she said.
- 3/01/2006 6:03 PM
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Just Me had this to say:
I forgot to say, look at those pictures HOW CUTE!!!!!
- 3/02/2006 11:25 AM
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Mommy had this to say:
Heather, I know it gets better I just wish it was now lol, I think im gonna try to work part time for a bit see if we can make it that way, right now ive got to find someone to watch him also and there is nobody I know that doesnt work that would do it and God forbid daycare I never had to deal with that and it really scares me since he cant tell me if something happens to him...
Tiff, Thank-you! my kids are very photogenic well except Lil Man he doesnt like the camera at all! lol- 3/05/2006 6:38 PM
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Heather Noel had this to say:
What about Ms Virginia?
- 3/06/2006 8:52 PM
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Mommy had this to say:
You think she would ?
- 3/07/2006 6:35 AM
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Heather Noel had this to say:
She might. She loves her some babies and if its just part of a day.
- 3/08/2006 5:05 PM
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Mandy had this to say:
Its such a hard decision. A decision that often feels out of our hands...
- 3/08/2006 8:52 PM
